Texting

I have a love/hate relationship with texting.

Like - it's useful as hell when you don't want to actually go about talking to the person you're texting.  But it has several flaws.

I mean - I hate talking on the phone as much as the next person so texting is a useful tool.  I mean - there are some people I text I would NOT want to talk on the phone with.  Like - I just want to hit up a booty call or something - BOOM - I don't have to make a call... I can just say - "Hey, I want you." Or ya' know...whatever.  I don't have to go through the hassle of actually talking to the person I don't even necessarily like.

And conversations can take all day with texts.  There are no awkward silences... It's all around easier to text and I like that.

But I SERIOUSLY hate it that sometimes people are so wrapped up with texting that they don't think that you aren't actually able to be around your phone 24/7.

Like a person I text all the time.  We have fun banter - chat a lot - but if I don't read a message for awhile and don't get back to this person right away - the person thinks I'm mad.  Despite this blog thing - I'm a pretty easy going person.  I don't get mad at stupid jokes you tell.

But EVERY TIME I get a message from this person and I don't immediately send a message back - I get, "Or not."  or "Hello?"  or even "You mad?"  No.  I'm just busy.  I do have a life outside of texing you.

And sometimes I read the message, don't respond...because I'm busy, and forget to send something back.  I'm not ignoring you - I'm not being rude - I FORGOT!  It's not even a big fucking deal.

My dad is the worst person about this.  Sometimes he texts and I don't send something back right away and then comes bitch mode.  "Well - aren't you going to text me back?!?" "Would like an answer.!" Okay dad, STAHP.  What's worse is that he doesn't even accept that I forgot.  He just bitches to me about that too. Maybe I should remind him of something and then when he doesn't remember - I shouldn't accept it like he doesn't accept that I'm too busy to text sometimes and when I get his messages - I FORGET.

And then the people that can't put their phone down for a little while so they can drive.  You're putting yourself and everyone else on the road in danger...put the FUCKING phone down.  It's not it being against the law, because God knows how many illegal things I do on the road, but how dangerous it is.  I don't care who I'm texting - if our conversation is through text, it's not worth killing someone over.  Me, you or someone else.

And...I guess that's it.  I might add more to this one.

Boys

This one is a little naughty so...shield your eyes little ones.  Well fuck little ones shouldn't be reading this anyhow.

Okay now, I'm not one of those girls who bitches about boys all the time.  Seriously.  But I've had a long weekend, I have to work tomorrow, I'm worried about my niece, nephew and sister and this boy is making me furious.  Undastand?

I wrote all this out last night, but decided it was too personal.  So I'm writing it less...real...okay?

Anyhow.  Boys.  I just DON'T understand them.  Why do they think with the wrong head?  I mean, can't they take into account girls' feelings ever?  I'm going into a really really brief history of non-relationships of mine.  Yes, NON-relationships.

Freshman year:  I liked a boy, the boy liked me, he had a girlfriend.
Sophomore year: I liked the same boy, he still liked me, he still had a girlfriend.
Junior year: I like a guy, who I think liked me and my best friend who also liked him, but he thought I liked another friend?  What? And I still liked Freshman/Sophomore year boy too.  He and his girlfriend broke up and he did NOT make a move. And another guy who also had a girlfriend all while he creepily stared at me all the time.  Yes, I liked him.  He's hot, what can I say?  I'd still do him.
Senior year: I liked the guy my best friend liked but not the guy with a girlfriend or the other dude.  Just the friend of mine who thought I liked my best friend even though he's a little gay...or bi...or whatever. And then there is the guy who is currently pissing me off.

He is one of those guys you know is a complete douche fuck but you can't help but like the attention he gives you.  That's why I started talking to the moron in the first place.  He's not hot, he's not funny - he's just...a douche.  Which is why I want to do him so bad.  I don't like him, I don't want a relationship with him.  I just want him to be a fuck buddy.  Does that make me a slut?  No.  Why? Because he'd be my first fuck buddy.

Senior year he had a girlfriend.  The two of them were a lot a like...cheaters. She cheated on him and to get her back, he decided he wanted to revenge cheat.  He messaged like six of my friends.  Six.  And myself.  I wasn't going for it.  I didn't want him quite as bad...or at all.

About three years later he hits me up again.  This time he had 100x better luck.  Because he's single, I'm single and I am down to fuck.

A couple nights ago he starts texting me.  It was cool.  Within 5 minutes of texting, he was already sending me pictures...of his face.  And pleading with me to send him one back.  I said no. After texting him for awhile...without any advances on his part...he sends another picture...of his cock.

I wasn't even expecting it.  His last text had been something about work.  And I sat there next to my grandma texting like four different people all at once...and incoming picture. The second I started to receive it, I knew who and what it was.  So I RAN down the stairs, nearly tripping over a stupid dog.  It was an ambush.  And then for the rest of the night he begged and begged me to send him a picture of myself naked. No.

So after days of texting, we finally meet up and we fool around a bit and he leaves.  Unfortunately for me, I was all hot and bothered but I got nothing.  I mean - I serviced him and he left.  

The next day...yesterday.  He sends me another text and begs me AGAIN to send him...not a picture but a video of me touching myself.

I said no.  And he hasn't texted since.  I mean - I give a guy a blow job and he leaves.  Whatever.  But then he gets mad at me because I won't send him a video?  Really?  What the fucking fuck?

What kind a douche fuck does that?  

That's my rant about boys.  Or just...boy.

Mike Delfino

I'm CUHRYING right now. By the way this has spoilers in it so if you haven't watched the most recent episode of Desperate Housewives, I think you should probably stop right this instant.

From the start, I was hooked on Mike Delfino. From the very beginning. His rugged good looks...his badassness...his mystery...his name and how it rolls off the tongue. I liked him. I didn't even like the show that much at first, I thought it was ridiculous. A show about DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES? Stupid.

No, Mike was my favorite. Tom being a close second (Trombone 3D Banana Patch. Snow Shovel). Young Parker and Mj were my favorites as well, but that's because they're so adorable and one day I'd hope to have children that are as cute as them. Lee is in there too..."Just say the whole word, how much time are you actually saving?"

Anyways, I went through EIGHT seasons of Mike being my favorite character in the show. I guess I didn't waste eight years of thinking that, maybe the past couple months, but still EIGHT SEASONS of him being my favorite.

And what happens? HE DIES? Why why? I'm serious this is the worst thing because after three seasons of you just wishing they'd stop being fucking stupid and get married. Then a season of them being married, then divorced and still in love, then two and a half seasons of them together....I WANT TO KICK SOMEONE IN THE FACE. Couldn't it just have been.....I don't know, I don't want to say Carlos or Tom but Orson? He's useless and a creeper. A really really creepy creep.

Mike F-ing Delfino? I hate my life. Hate it. Hate hate hate my life. Not really, I'm just being melodramatic. I don't hate my life because a guy on a soap opera died.

What makes matters worse is that I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. But I cannot because the two people who watch it in my life, haven't seen it yet. So the only place I can discuss how Mike Delfino dies is on the computer to a random blog that almost no one reads.

In that moment, as I sat and watched it all play out, I almost died. Mike shoved Susan and then everything froze. I thought Susan died for about half a second so I literally YELLED, "WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!?" and stood up to get closer to the tv as Mike's life passed before his eyes. And then he was hit in the chest and died. WTF I'M DYING - I'M F-ING DYING. I can't even handle this shit.

Goodbye, I'm going to go bawl into my pillow now.

P.S. To those of you who actually read my rants about stupid shit. Thank you so much. You must have a really high tolerance if you can read the ramblings of an almost-not-teenager-anymore.

"Best" Fucking Friends

Okay, I've had enough of this SHIT!

According to Urban Dictionary - Best friends are very special people in your life. They are the first people you think about when you make plans. They are the first people you go to when you need someone to talk to. You will phone them up just to talk about nothing or the most important things in your life. When you're sad they will try their hardest to cheer you up. They will give the best hugs in the world! They are the shoulder to cry on, because you know that they truly care about you. In most cases they would take a bullet for you, cause it would be too painful to watch you get hurt.

Yes, I Urban Dictionaried that shit. Why? Because I know several people that need to learn a lesson about best friends. When someone calls you a best friend, you don't fucking mess with that shit. Because that is like 'I love you.' It's not a phrase you want to throw around lightly. So stop fucking your best friend's significant other, stop being two-faced and just stop being so damn flakey. Treat your best friend with the love and respect that you'd treat your family, and if you don't respect your family (which is shitty, whether you be a father, mother, son or daughter, it's shitty. All We Need Is Love <---- Beatles), respect them better. In some ways, your best friend can be better than family, because you can tell them anything...like about that guy you hooked up with last night and not get dirty looks or grounded. So please, stop being shitty people.

And people need to stop throwing that phrase around like it's nothing. It's not your virginity - haha that was a joke - it actually means something to people. If you've known someone a week, they're probably not your best friend. I know it doesn't matter how long you've known someone, just that they're there for you when you need them. But if you've known them a week you barely know them, let alone if they're going to be there for you when you need them.

So when you call a person you met last week your best friend, then it's your fault when you're blind-sighted and find out they were trying to steal your boyfriend. I'm not saying that if he does end up cheating it's your fault, it's not, that was his bad.

This shit needs to fucking stop. Be good fucking people. I know what it's like to have a best friend and it's not always great at all times, but if you can tell this person anything without fear of judgement or of them telling someone, THEN they're your best friend. If you can trust them to not steal your boyfriend/girlfriend, then they could be your best friend. If you'd rather see yourself hurt than them and it's vice versa for them, then you've found your best friend.

Best friends are hard to come by, so stop throwing that around like it's nothing. And stop being shitty best friends. Jeeesh.

I'm done here. I just want to say that this was really hard to explain and it may have seemed a little more erratic than usual. And this isn't written in personal experience, I've just seen a lot of 'best friends' begin to hate each other for stupid reasons. And chances are they were never 'best friends' they were just calling each other that.

Also DISCLAIMER: I was SERIOUSLY just kidding about the virginity thing. I mean, haha, I just - it means something to me, but lately it doesn't mean anything to some people. Not meaning me. I'm way too - conservative? (I'm not all that conservative here - but at home and in real life I don't use near as many F-bombs)- for that to mean nothing to me.

Stuff

Ever have to move? No? Good for you, because it sucks hardcore.

Yes? I feel for you.

Why? Because I have moved three times in less than two years. And EVERY TIME I am astounded by the amount of just STUFF I have. I have TWO DOZEN picture frames and TWO DOZEN picture albums. Do I have forty eight photographs? NO! That was just graduation, too. Then there are the COUNTLESS Christmases that I continuously just get RANDOM OBJECTS that I don't want to throw away in fear of hurting someone's feelings. But it's ridiculous.

I have tens of thousands of f-ing bracelets that I will NEVER wear, because they're just too pretty and I don't wear pretty bracelets I wear durable bracelets, ones I can wear and wear and wear and then if they break they don't have any sentimental value so I just BUY ANOTHER ONE. Or I constantly wear this thick rubber Blink 182 bracelet, because it hasn't failed in the nearly two years that I've been wearing it. But I have sixty thousand f-ing pretty bracelets that have GIANT f-ing beads that I will NEVER wear because I spend too much time writing in notebooks or on the computer and it HURTS MY WRIST TO WEAR THEM. And don't get me wrong, it's really nice that people get me bracelets, but I can't help but HATE IT when they do. Because they're either REALLY fancy or they're what a sixth grader would wear.

Magazines too. I've been getting Seventeen Magazine since I was sixteen. Well that's a lie. I subscribed when I had to go sell magazines for prom money, we subscribed for TWENTY FOUR of them, not EIGHTY THOUSAND. But anyways I got these magazines for like two or three months and then they suddenly STOPPED. And I didn't get another one til I was nearly eighteen. And now they won't STOP. They just keep coming and coming and coming and never ever stopping. I can't take it because now I have at least 22 of these f-ing magazines and they just don't stop coming every month. I don't want them, I'm past the point of caring what's in fashion among teenagers. I'm nearly twenty years old and I have nothing to do with these damn magazines that continue to flood my mailbox every month. I thought...hey I could donate them...but people read them and I have MUTILATED every damn one of those magafuckingzines.

And I have all just things that I have NO SPACE FOR. I have candles and bears and wedding cake toppers and snow globes and Esmerelda figurines and ugly tacky neon Rice Crispy clocks and jewelry boxes and frames that actually DO have pictures in them and card games I'll never play and a cute alien I have no place for.

Then there's the NAIL POLISH. I have SO MUCH NAIL POLISH. Blue and green and red and purple and pink and pink and pink and pink and pink! I could polish each of my toes and fingers in a different shade of pink, I swear. And every single birthday and Christmas, "SURPRISE RACHEL ANOTHER SET OF NAIL POLISHES! AND IT HAS PINK!" Thanks dude, I'll add that to the already HUGE COLLECTION I've already got and don't know where to put.

Nail polish just got it's own group but now it's the BEAUTY PRODUCT IN GENERAL. Half of that is my fault. "Oh that'd look cute in my hair." Oh, I haven't wore any of that shit even once. And then Christmas, "Rachie Poo! I got you make up!" Thanks but I like picking out my OWN make up. So I have various Christmas make up and various Rachel make up. What does a girl who rarely even wears make-up going to do with all of this nonsense? I have more lipstick than I can wear....and I don't even wear lipstick. And every year, "Hey Rachel, I'm going to give you NASTY STINKY perfume. Happy Holidays, bitch, now you have nothing to do with it for the next twenty years of your life." I know they don't intend on it but I wish I could just say, "Hey guys, don't give me perfume or lotion UNLESS it's Victoria's Secret AMBER ROMANCE or Beauty Rush STRAWBERRY FIZZ. <---- I never even wear it because I'm waiting for a special occasion to do so. It's been in my perfume/lotion drawer for a year and a half.

And then there are the three thousand notebooks I have just lying around. Ones from high school because I like the color or they still have memories in them. I should just throw them away but I have memories all up in them. Or just random thoughts or notes I wrote in school. I have a BULGING notebook full of notes I took at college. I don't have any more room in there. None. But I made up my mind. I'm going to walmart this afternoon and going to buy a folder and a file thing. A notebook where I will RE-COPY down my random thoughts and a file to put all my school notes. Like an accordion folder thing.

Finally there are the BOOKS AND MOVIES. I have more of those two things than I have time to watch/read. And I love movies. I would buy more right now if I could. And books, I have all these books that I have yet to even start, but I keep.buying.more! I have books that I'll never read because I can't even get through the first one; why I bought the sequel, I don't know. I have books I'll never read and books I've already read. I just...so....many. Boxes and boxes just FULL of them.

That's my rant of just my stuff. I'm going to write my letter to Xenon down so I don't have to put it in another notebook. It kind of cracks me up.

Dear School,

Everyday I spend here is like a nightmare. My chest is bubbling with rage. Words are rising up in my throat threatening to spill out right now. When (a teacher's name) said, 'First of all-you can't have books at school.' I almost lost it. I'm not entirely sure if I almost laughed or almost yelled. Do you realize how stupid that sounds? 'No books at school?' School? The place for 12 years I was encouraged to read? You ignoramuses won't let me read even if I have nothing to do but bitch in a notebook for the next fifteen minutes? It took all of my willpower not to say something sarcastic about 'not reading at school.' I hate everything about you. How I wish I could say these things. By the way I am not paying you so I can sit around for twelve hours a day. I am paying you for an education and since you haven't been providing me with much of that or anything else to do besides sitting on my ass, the VERY LEAST you could do is let me read but no, no. 'You can't read books at school.' So you'd rather I sit in the cafe talking about sex all day than do something borderline intelligent? Fuck.This.School.

Rachel.

Moral of this Story: Don't come between me and reading, bitches.

Valenfuckingtine's Day

This day is the shittiest of all days in the damn year. Not because I have a lack of Valentine. But because that's ALL I FUCKING READ ABOUT!

I hate it for several reasons but this is the worst fucking one. People bitch and moan for days upon weeks before Valentine's Day, but why? Because you're not dating someone. Boofuckinghoo. Why do you need someone to be happy, codependent bitch?

And out of the SEVERAL THOUSAND facebook updates I get HOURLY about being #foreveralone you would think, hey maybe if they're so damn desperate, they be like, "Oh hai, you're alone too? Sweet! Let's be alone together!" And then they'd have a damn Valentine on Valentine's Day. BUUUT no! It's like they like being depressed on the stupidest fucking day of the year.

And one day I'm going to have a lover (that word makes my skin crawl) on Valentine's Day and I'll STILL hate this Mother Fucking Day. Because why? Possibly because Valentine's Day is the one day a year where you HAVE to do things for your loved one. The fuck?!? Seriously.

I mean out of the three hundred and sixty two days that aren't required to be special and give me flowers, I'd be SUPER happy....but give me flowers on Valentine's Day, I'd be like oh, so I'm like EVERY FUCKIN PERSON IN A RELATIONSHIP AT THE MOMENT.

So every time someone on facebook gets flowers and then they post the picture saying, "Surprised Me With Flowers!" Okay? Did he? OR did you know he was going to get you them because for goodness sakes it's VALENTINES DAY. EVERYONE GETS THEM. Look at your homepage, I bet everyone on your facebook who's in a relationship sent a similar picture with the SAME caption.

Good for fucking you. You're just like EVERYONE else who's in a relationship on this day. Jeeeeeeeesh.

One day, I'm going to get together with EVERYONE else who hates this day for the appropriate reasons and instead bitching about the shittiest and most pointless day of the whole year, we'll have a grand ole' time just CHILLING watching TV not concerned with the shittiness that is this day of the year.

And by that I mean, no one who's going to cry in their sock drawer because they're single, but someone who just genuinely thinks this holiday is shit. No bitching singles, no sappy idiots who are in relationships, just a bunch of people, single or otherwise, who just decide to kick back and do nothing in PROTEST of this shitty holiday. Shitty shit shit shit....Fuckin' A!

Fucking People With Their Damn Relationship Issues

Relationships. They're complicated....I guess?

I listen to so many girls bitch and moan about how hard their relationship is and how unhappy they are and how much their boyfriend is a jerk.

And I always wonder: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU PUT UP WITH IT THEN?

That's not how a relationship is supposed to feel. If it's hard then WORK SOMETHING OUT! And if you can't then it's not meant to be, clearly. If you're unhappy then find a way to be happy, and if you can't dump the person. And if he's a jerk, either call him out and he'll change or DUMP HIM.

When a relationship is right, then it will FEEL right. You won't have to check his phone, because you can trust him. You won't have to worry that he's off fucking some chick at night, because you can trust him. You won't be stressed when he doesn't call, because you know how he feels about you. When two people are in love, there shouldn't be a DOUBT in your mind about him/her.

I'm not saying there won't be hard times with two people who love each other. My parents are examples of that. They argue and have "I can clean more than you today" fights, but I don't know if you realize this but IT'S A CLEANING FIGHT.

If you can't trust him, then dump him. If you don't feel comfortable, dump him. If you HATE each other, DUMP him. Got it?

Item #2

Guys can be jerks but SO CAN GIRLS. I listen to people bitch and moan about how ALL boys are terrible and jerks and only want sex. Well I know girls that are like that too. It goes both ways...haha.

"Why do I attract all the jerks?" Are you fucking kidding? Why do you date only jerks? I bet if you're attracting jerks, then you're probably attracting nice guys. It's your choice who you date, not anybody else's. If you don't like Mr. Nice Guy over there, don't complain about how you only attract jerks. You have your part in that too. Okay?

I just can't stand when girls bitch about how "If a girl sleeps around she's a slut, but what do guys get? A high five." You know...that's a huge fucking stereotype. And then they get girls calling him a player and then he can't sleep around much and then he actually falls for a girl and has a hard time getting her because all the girls gathered around and talked up a storm about how shitty that guy is to girls. The girl is called a slut by OTHER GIRLS. Guys don't fucking care...unless she's got an STD. Stop acting like guys have it so fucking easy. They don't. And I see that. And I'm a girl.

And then the fucking statuses or S[he] be[li]ev[ed] crap. OHMMGEE stop it right now! I'm FUCKING positive that GUYS have had their hearts broken too. Jeeeeesh. I can't even take it anymore. I might blow the fuck up at the next bitch that posts a fucking status like that.

I am a hopeless romantic, don't get me wrong. But people always bitching about people they supposedly love, pisses me off. Because if you really love that person, it shouldn't be hard to be together. It might seem like the world is against you sometimes but remember this: All Values, from zero to infinity, are less than love. -My favorite damn quote.